Three Day Update

From Constantin:

Saturday
It is still Saturday afternoon and I am in "hotel arrest". In the afternoon, Sophia was finally bored and expressed an interest to review the picture album that we had sent her. I have been waiting for this. So, we went through everything and everybody multiple times. It was getting pretty boring until Sophia decided to open up her famous backpack, which I have decided that I am not going to touch but allow her to expose the contents at her own pace, though I am dying to know what's in there. She brings out a few picture albums of her own and she walks me through every picture explaining with the translator and some in English each picture. A few pictures she covered with her hands and explained that she does not like them, but I will check those later. The last picture of the first album is a black & white picture with Sophia and another girl when she was 5 years old............what a trip. The other girl is much taller and a little older. Both girls are very well dressed and both have deep sad eyes, worried and stressful facial expression.....I will not even dare to ask who is the other girl.......I think working at her pace is working very well, so why push things. In my life, I never hesitated to ask questions before, but I feel something deep holding me back to allow space around her. As I am writing this, I feel I am walking on eggs, I need to lighten up.

To her arm, I go, to check the TB test, though early it does not look good, I have to wait a bit. Popi went shopping all day, to give me space, and she decided not to have dinner so we had more space. Sophia wants the same place and the same food; Filet Mignon with humongous shrimp cooked with head and shell. She likes when I shell her shrimp. I asked for a special sauce with hot peppers. I sampled the sauce and I decided, after a few deep breaths and a few sips of water, to explain that the sauce was extremely hot. At the end of the meal, there was very little sauce left and her face had the same expression....go girl go...I hope that the morning poop will not be painful. I guess Chongqing is the capital of the world for hot pot and she has been eating hot food since childhood. Today she was very warm, affectionate and she seemed to take to dad-hood. Of course the "hotel arrest" continues and tonight I have equipped myself with a pint of Black Label, 43% by volume. When we watch television she gives me and Popi the ChinAmerican synopsis of the show and of course, we both understand exactly what she explains.....we also enjoy the show....." what is a man to do". Today I decided that writing helps me release anxiety, review and reflect on my thoughts and acts. What a great cheap tool.

Sophia likes hanging at night, but she listens when I say brush teeth and under the covers, or when I write a note showing a toothbrush and 10 pm. She seems to have a lot of structure and takes well to it, I have been wondering......no,no why spoil it, keep it the way it is. She says, 9 pm was sleep time and 7 am wake-up time. She also is capable to multitask: while she watches a movie in her room, she frequently runs over to keep track of the movie that I am watching.

Every time I call you and she hears your/Katerina's voices, she calls "mei mei, Katerina", she drops everything and she comes in front of the computer to participate. Of course, she gets bored after she says hello because she understands very little. She became an expert in saying "thank you" only after 2 corrections. Every time she is offered something she says thank you and then looks at me for the "thumbs-up", it never fails. Now, I have to start working on "please". Something new and different: when you are in a public place and she does not want to do something like after dinner I like to take a walk, oh no she has problems, she starts some motions like swimming in the air with long arms moving in all directions. It looks terrible, but it is her delicate trademark. I have mixed emotions about this: I think it is a very funny way to express disappointment.

If I was to describe the good Sophia today I will say: Sophia is a portrait of Gods spirit and I say this because if a person/character is shaped by their experiences, Sophia must be the exception of the rule.
-obvious strong inner core
-very independent but some confusion because of social values (role of a woman)
-sensitive but overcomes it easily ( I need to see more on this one)
-totally non-materialistic
-cares and shares (she is a natural on that)
-cautious; one has to gain her trust (what happens after I do not know)
-has self-worth indicated by the clothes she chooses and the way she chooses them
-thinks before she answers and gives very balanced answers on questions (her answers have surprised me, she is only 14)
-good habits, washes own underwear, collects own clothes, brushes teeth, showers, always eat all in her dish, eats balanced meals, never takes too much food.....
-She understands we should not be spending all day in the hotel, and she makes an effort to get out with me.

Something things that worry me a lot are:
-I do not see anger yet.
-I do not see grieving unless spending time in the room watching tv and reading is a way of internalizing the grief.

Sunday
Today I am expecting Peter (business colleague) to come over about 10. We went to breakfast already. Peter shows up with a bag of presents and his girlfriend. I did not know that he had a girl-friend and I did not get a gift for her. They are both young, smiling constantly and vibrant (it is a great relief to see the young Chinese smiling and holding hands). Things have changed a lot since my last visit, at least here in Guangzhou. It has been totally Westernized. What a change in just a few years. So, I left Sophia, Popi, and Emily at the breakfast table to spend time with Peter by the pool. I can see Emily engaging Sophia. The girls were going to do their nails. After a few hours, we met the girls. They did not do their nails but went to an art gallery with paintings from "mentally disturbed children". Sophia refused to go in. Back to our hotel, I showed Peter the photo album with our home...bla..bla..

Then we decided to go walk around and then to lunch. Sophia followed thru but with a heavy face and heart. She seemed tired, withdrawn and not willing to engage. Emily is a professional photographer, and she had us pose multiple times with the bronze statues around town. Peter will email me some pictures. Peter and Emily left in the afternoon and we went back to the hotel. In a few minutes, Sophia fell asleep, sweating a lot. After two hours, she had a slight fever and I guess today was a washout because of the vaccine side effects. Her arm TB shot is getting red and a little bumpy. We did not even have dinner, nobody was really hungry. One step ahead on Saturday, two steps back today. Popi also noticed today the swimming in the air when they went to do their nails. Sophia did not want to do hers, so she displayed her delicate trademark. Of course, nobody did nails. I have to videotape this.

Monday
Early and rushed morning to get to the medical exam center to check the TB site. I got up very worried and checked her arm. Everything looked good, the red mark was small but more importantly, there was no raised bump. We went to the clinic and cleared all the papers. This afternoon we have to meet in the lobby to take group/children pictures, but Sophia is old and I will give her the choice of participating, knowing what the answer is. Later at 1:00 pm we go to the US Embassy for fingerprinting.